Adventures (Installement II)

-or- Old Fashion Blessings

Two weeks ago we completed our final class trip of the semester. The last day of this Northern Italian trip found us in Venice. Venice is a strange place, as in it has no roads, only one proper piazza (incredible for an Italian town), is intensely ornate, and that whole its built on a marsh thing. (I've wondered both times I've been in Venice whoever thought that was a good idea?) After going along on a site tour in the morning I decided to hitch along with Sister Catherine, Peter and Sara to go see two other islands in the lagoon.

What we found was totally beyond anything I'd been expecting. Venice is busy and crowded, all buildings and canals. Burano, the first island we stopped at had a significant amount of open land and hardly any tourists due in part to its distance from Venice proper (about a 45 min boat ride) and the weather (overcast and a little drizzly). The island was composed mostly of two story houses which were unexceptional apart from an apparently unwritten rule that your house had to be a different color than anyone else's house on the island. The effect was wonderful even on a gray day. We set about finding lunch and ended up at the "Bar Sport". It was an unassuming little place (the best in Italy normally are) but had some fantastic sea food. I've found myself become more adventures with cuisine over the course of the semester as this Spaghetti alla Vongole attests. (It was incredible by the way).

The trip to Burano was also really helpful in understanding the history of Venice. On the main island its hard to understand what exactly the city was built on. It can give you the impression that it was started by a bunch of crazy people who just started driving piles into the ground and building their houses on them. However, farther out in the lagoon you see lots of islands, large and small, coming far enough out of the water to support vegetation and even trees.

Near Burano was one of these largely unsettled islands named Torcello. Sister Catherine's guidebook provided the history of the island. Basically, Torcello was the place before Venice became the place. A roman settlement existed on the island all the way back to the 6th Century. However, as Venice grew in power and influence, starting around the end of the first millennium, Torcello declined. Until about 50 years ago the island was largely uninhabitable due to malaria. The original settlement has been almost entirely reclaimed by the marsh, with a few exceptions. The most impressive and astonishing is a 7th Century Basilica, Santa Maria Assunta. The first impression is its size, which is remarkable for its age and with the back drop of a now largely unpopulated island. The most incredible remnant of this once powerful settlement however, is on the inside of the Church. The entire rear wall of the basilica is covered by an 11th Century mosaic in the Ravena-Byzantine style. And it is SO awesome!  

Its one of those rare pieces of art (or in this case a piece of art and prayer) that you can just sit and devour like a good meal. And like a good meal there's a satisfaction when you finish that is hard to describe in any other way. The four of us sat and looked at it for at least 30 minutes, and we all had the feeling that we could have stayed there much longer. The mosaic is not only really large, really old, and really well done but also it had some intriguing iconography that I'd never seen before. The mosaic works in three movements. At the very top, almost out of view in this picture, is the crucifixion. The next series down is the resurrection. The final four layers are the last judgement, the End Times. In most mosaics the figures are very static, there's no depth or scaling. However, on this one the figures got larger as you went up the mosaic ensuring that they would still be easily visible from the floor.

Christ in glory, with His throne prepared below

The Angels calling up the dead (check out the lion's mouth)

Among the interesting representations in this mosaic was the calling up of the dead. While this is an indispensable part of any last judgement scene this mosaic gave it a special twist. The angels not only called up the dead from their graves but also from the bellies of wild animals. While plenty of mosaics show animals eating saints this is the first time I've ever seen an animal throwing up a saint. Another interesting depiction was Eve. She showed up in both in the Resurrection, being pulled out of Hell along with Adam, and also in the Last Judgement. You can see her in the picture of Christ in glory. She's just to the right of the throne. If her dress reminds you a standard mosaic figure it should. She's dressed in a way typically reserved for Mary, the Mother of God which reveals the classic Old Testament prefigurement and Catholic teaching that Mary is the New Eve.

Bottom left scene of the mosaic

My favorite part of the mosaic though, was the scene on very bottom left. While the mosaic had worked chronologically top to bottom to this point, the bottom left frame breaks with this order. Instead, this scene, which is the closest and most approachable to the viewer, has four main images. Just out of this picture is Christ calling the children to himself (you can see a few of them next to Mary). Next is the Blessed Mother in the traditional posture of prayer, interceding for us, the viewers. To her left is the Good Thief and finally the next to him is the Door of Paradise with the Seraph and St. Peter, keys in hand gesturing to us to come in. In my experience I've never seen a mosaic that engages the viewer so actively. What a beautiful invitation! We are called in our humility reminded of Jesus' love for the small and the meek. We are reminded of the powerful intercession of Mary our Mother, and of all the saints. We're encouraged by the example of the Repentant Theif, who even at the 11th hour received the grace of conversion and forgiveness and, after his brief labors, was with Jesus that day in Paradise. Finally, we come to the representation of the entrance to Paradise. The seraph who guards the gate no longer wields the flaming sword that banished Adam and Eve but rather he welcomes, just as St. Peter stands prepared with the keys to usher us in to the space prepared for us from all eternity. This door is not in the heights, not even among the saints in the middle of the series, but at the very, very lowest point so close and so attainable through God's unsurpassable mercy.

After a long while, we managed to tear ourselves away and explore the rest of the church. I really liked the simplicity of this mosaic which was in the apse of the church behind the main altar. There is nothing to distract from Mary and Jesus. The importance of the Church and the island was also attested to by the bodies of several martyrs who still reside there. At a certain point we realized that the door keeper had been standing waiting for us to leave for a while, we'd been almost the only people in the church the entire time. Turns out we'd lost track of time a bit and as Sister Catherine led us out of the basilica I wonder if she though the Last Judgement was actually upon us. We were met with an entirely red sky, the first movement of an incredible sunset. As we walked down the path back to the boat stop the sky was aflame with shades of red and purple. What had been a dreary, overcast day when we entered the church, had been transformed into a glorious conclusion. As we stood waiting for the boat our view looked every part a painting, too incredible to be real.

What made the whole experience all the more stunning was that we'd stumbled upon this beautiful church and incredible sunset literally in the middle of nowhere but yet just miles from Venice, one of the most touristy, overrun parts of Italy. The solitude reminded me of going out to St. Joe Ost, or Pilsen but then finding an ancient, world class mosaic of a lost society hanging on the back wall. Oh and tack on an indescribable sunset to boot.


Blessed be God
Blessed be His holy name
...
Blessed be God in the quiet places
Blessed be God in the forgotten wonders
Blessed be God in the fire of the sunset
...
Blessed be Jesus Christ, true God and true man
Blessed be the great Mother of God, Mary most holy
Blessed be God in His angels and in His saints
                                                                       Amen.


See you in the Eucharist,
Tony

Adventures (Installment I)

I'm realizing that I've already procrastinated so much on posting about the things I've seen and done in the last two months that I'm am hopelessly behind. The task of writing about even a portion of the experiences I've had living and working in Italy so far was daunting enough to even keep from trying for many weeks (in which time I spent a weekend in Padau, and 10 days in Greece, Fall Break, and Northern Italy. oops.)  Anyway the end of the semester is rapidly approaching and I've got to get a move on here hence the idea of which this blog post is hopefully the first part of. Instead of making one humongous post which you would be make-you-tired-of sitting-before-you-got-done-reading long I decided to do it in small bite size morsels.

A long time ago (almost 2 months?) I went to Padua over a weekend. Besides being the resting place of one of the most awesome saints ever (This Guy) -->    its also a really nice little town. Its home to one of the oldest universities in the world and as such is dominated by bicycles and young people. A couple of the main roads are closed to traffic and are just pedestrian. I went there to see St. Anthony and obviously spent a good deal of time at the Basilica. They didn't allow any photography in the church so sorry no pictures of St. Anthony's tongue (yeah its in the reliquary) however it was also nice not to have to worry about trying to take pictures of things and instead just enjoy the moment. There was a special blessing of St. Anthony that I was able to receive, I went to a couple masses in the Church, and spent a lot of time praying and writing in front of the Blessed Sacrament. Sunday mass at the Basilica was especially great. It's a large church but it was filled with faithful there to see St. Anthony (he's such a big deal in Padua they just call him "Il Santo", "The Saint"). Sadly its rare to see any of these old marvelous Italian churches full and alive for the liturgy but when it happens its a special blessing and it seems this happens every weekend in Padua.

Basilica of St. Anthony

Scrovegni Chapel

The town itself was really wonderful though too. There were several concerts going on in different piazzas in the evenings. Saturday there were two huge markets one for fruits and the other for vegetables. Padua also has one of the largest piazzas in Europe the Prato della Valle. There is also an incredible work of art called the Scrovegni Chapel by Giotto. Its a small family chapel that is all that remains of the Scrovegni palace. Giotto was one of the earliest Renaissance fresco masters and this chapel is by far his most impressive surviving work. Its incredible not only for its colors (amazingly vibrant), and its age (its over 800 years old), but also because of the theological framework that its designed around. The intricately detailed figures are organized into three cycles. The topmost is the life of Mary, the middle is the active ministry of Christ, and the lowest is His Passion and Death. The way Giotto parallels the scenes from each three of the cycles is truly remarkable and cause for much longer consideration than the 15 minute time period you are allowed to visit the chapel for.

Recognize this guy? Its there too.

After I visited the Chapel on Saturday
I went and walked through a nearby park to think about the fresco. In one of the most fantastic scenes of Italian life that I've encountered yet, I ran into five members of the "Guardian Angel Safety Patrol" moving a baby grand piano down a gravel path, with steps, to the central fountain of this park. Clad with red berets and beer guts (should it be called a wine gut in Italy? Not sure on that) these balding men finally managed to get the piano moved at which point another Italian sat down and began to play incredible music. It was such a picturesque scene. It was a beautiful, sunny, late-summer day. The perfect day to just sit on a park bench and think (with a soundtrack to boot). Kids were playing in the park, a young woman was making animals out of balloons (apparently for free) and at one point a group of people walked by being led by a man carrying a 10 foot rowing oar (no idea what that was about).  Looking back now a couple months later it really was a very blest weekend: kind people, an awesome saint, fantastic art, beautiful nature; what more could you ask for?

Well that feels good to have finally finished a post, hopefully another will follow shortly but until then, I'll see you in the Eucharist.

To a Saint

Eternal rest grant unto her, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon her. May the souls of the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen.

JMJ+OBT

I was in mass when she passed away. I didn't hear the news for several more hours that my Grandma Butel had died. Her health had been steadily declining for the last several months between a heart condition and pulmonary fibrosis. Our family knew she didn't have much longer here but we weren't expecting it quite so soon. She went to the hospital on Tuesday night and my mom was able to go up and spend Wednesday night with her and another of her sisters. When mom left in the morning she told grandma that she loved her and grandma told mom that she loved her too. She passed away at 11:30am Kansas time. The oldest in the family Aunt Mary was there by her side during her last minutes. She said about seven minutes before grandma died her breathing changed and they knew she was going. About a minute before she died, my aunt said she opened her eyes wide and stared at the ceiling and her last word was "Mom."

I don't know what Grandma saw as she was dying but I know what kind of woman she was and that gives me every reason to believe that some members of the Church Triumphant could have come to take her home. She was everything you would think of when you think of a grandmother: kind, gentle, loving, maternal. She was a small beautiful old lady, with snow white curly hair. She could have easily been a bitter old woman. Her life had given her every excuse to be so. But for all the difficulty involved in raising 13 children on a poor Eastern Kansas dairy farm she had one of the most beautiful souls of anyone I have ever known. I think it was her faith that gave her the strength to be the person she was. She went to mass regularly and made her weekly adoration hour even up to week that she died. When she was in the hospital the first night one of my aunts was reading to her out of a book that she sometimes read before she went to bed. The passage was about how we are to be Christ to others. My aunt told her that was what she had been to all those around her and she responded, "That's what I was supposed to do."

I have lots of fond memories of Grandma like her apple crisp warm out of the oven covered in quickly melting homemade ice cream. Or coming back from Saturday night mass and having frozen pizzas (they never tasted quite as good anywhere else). Or playing seven point pitch with her and my little sister and my uncle. Or the last conversation I had with her in her kitchen before leaving for Rome when she told me how proud she was of all her grandchildren going off and doing things she never would have dreamed of when she was our age. Or the birthday cards we would get from her. We couldn't read her handwriting so mom would translate for us. There was never very much money with the cards and Christmas presents weren't extravagant (I don't know how they managed to do what they did with so many grandkids) but I'll always remember that at some point in the letter she would tell us we were in her prayers.

My memories of Grandma aren't "big" memories but I think that's because that's not the kind of person she was. She left her mark on the world not in big notable ways but rather in the little ways she showed all of us her love, in the quiet sacrifices she made for her kids and grandkids. The family that she raised and the times we spent with them will always be my most lasting memory of grandma. She was a simple woman, from a very simple background. She, along with my other grandparents left me an inheritance more lasting than any material gift. They left me their example, one of lives given to their families and neighbors through good, honest work; an example of simplicity, piety, and charity.

I hope my title was not too bold. I'm not sure that its completely theologically correct but if there is anyone I have know personally in my short life that deserves the title of saint it is her. I also want to say this because I like to think that in a small way I was able to be with her as she entered the eternal wedding feast. I didn't realize it until many hours later when I was able to talk to my mom but when grandma passed away at 11:30am in Kansas that was 6:30pm Rome time. On Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursday we have mass on campus that starts at 6pm. On Thursday we had a new priest who asked for intentions during the prayers of the faithful. It was the first time since I've been in Italy that I've been able to include Grandma in the intentions for the mass and as I prayed, "For my Grandma Butel as her health is declining" little did I know that, that she was literally in the last moments of her life. The consecration for the mass and the subsequent reception of communion would have been immediately as she was passing away. It adds new significance to one of my favorite phrases, "See you in the Eucharist."

May the perpetual Light shine upon her. Amen.

Accountability

Peace and Blessings from Rome!
This blog post is brought to you by the persistent nagging of a dear friend in Christ.

On returning to Rome I knew I wanted to do a better job blogging about the adventure God is taking me on. Towards that end I asked one of my friends if we could hold each other accountable for posting on a regular basis (thus far the accountability has been entirely one sided. lol) While I recognized the need for accountability in this area of my life, I spent almost the entire first month in Italy without acknowledging that I need accountability in my spiritual life too. You would think that being in Rome would be an excellent catalyst to prayer (and it is) but in the first month I struggled to maintain a regular prayer life, to grow in virtue, to avoid sin, etc. My co-workers over here are wonderful people; talented, thoughtful, funny people. They are fun to be around whether at work or just hanging out, however they don't seem to have much interest in living an active spiritual life. That was a real issue for me. This first month I vividly encountered my weakness when alone in living my faith. Not that I was alone (I know there are many, many people praying for me, and that I'm never separated from the Mystical Body of Christ in the Eucharist) but that I was the only one, of the few of us on campus in the first weeks, who desired a spiritual life. Let me tell you, I wasn't cuttin' it on my own. Its funny that another word that sounds similar to accountability is humility. Eventually I had to humble myself and realize that despite the incredible blessings that I am being given and the astounding setting I am in, I am not strong enough to grow in holiness without much help. I got in touch with two brothers in Christ who have held me accountable in the past and set up some email accountability. Even though we are not able to meet in person to pray or discuss our weeks, this partnership is critical for me. "As iron sharpens iron, so man sharpens his fellow man" Proverbs 27:17.

 The arrival of the students also meant the beginning of daily mass on campus which even in this first week has been a tremendous blessing. While this first month may not have been as strong as I would have hoped it did facilitate several important realizations which I hope lay the foundation for a year of growth and great charity. Hopefully soon I'll get another post up with some of the adventures from the first month (especially judging by the persistence of my accountability partner. lol) Until then check out a couple of the incredible views I've had so far:

Assisi

                         Lake Albano from Monte Cavo

                                                                                                     

                                                                                            Fransican Monastery of Assisi    

View from the Belvedere above my room

Know that y'all are in my prayers ( especially now that my prayers are more frequent and consistent). I'll see you in the Eucharist!

Communion

Glory to be to God the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, as it was in the beginning is now and will be forever. Amen.

After the amazing blessings of the last eight days I am compelled to revisit my blog and share these graces with you. Last Sunday I left St. Thomas Aquinas as one of two chaperones for eight beautiful young women as we departed for a week of Prayer and Action in South Hutch. The week was one of untold and innumerable blessings. One of the most striking though came Thursday night during the retreat portion of the half mission trip, half retreat day. During praise and worship I was pulling a David Walker and praying clutching my TEC cross in my hand. We were singing Empty Me and at the part where the lyrics are "empty me, empty me, Fill won't you fill me with more of you and less of me" I opened my hand which had been clinging to the TEC cross. I realized in that moment that God was calling me to surrender that community to Him, this Framily that I've become a part of. For me this was even more difficult than the invitation I received the previous night in adoration to surrender myself more fully to His will. Its was one thing to desire that He should increase in my life and I should decrease but the full implication hit me on Thursday when I realized this meant being willing to give up these wonderful brothers and sisters in Christ that I have come to cherish so much. I don't know whether God intends to keep them only for a time before giving them back or whether it is more permanent but I know that my hands need to be empty to go where He has called me in Rome.

It struck me in a new way though on Wednesday night in adoration why separation is so difficult. As humans created in God's image we are made for communion, first of all with Him but also through Him all men. Thus when we form holy friendships centered in Christ we share a part of ourselves with the other and form a kind of unity. When we are separated we keenly sense how unnatural this is. But I'm reassured by the knowledge that communion is also our telos, our end if you will. Heaven will be the eternal communion; separation, a result of the fall, will be no more. However, even in the this mortal life though we are offered the opportunity to have a taste of this eternal union in the Holy Sacrament of the Altar, the Eucharist. Christ truly present in the appearance of bread and wine offers us His whole self. This communion with Christ is also a communion with the entire body of the Church, both those still on earth and those in heaven, thus the logic behind one of my favorite sayings, "See you in the Eucharist."

In the face of my nearing departure for Rome and the invitation to give these brothers and sisters in Christ back to God I have been blessed in the last few weeks to meet so many new framily members. This makes the sense of separation more painful but also all the more sweet. At this point I give them to our Momma Mary. May she keep all of you in her mantle and until, in God's time, we meet again. Until then, See you in the Eucharist.

Philosophy of Dance

Before I start I just want to give God props for making Fridays. They're great. lol

That taken care of I want to share my philosophy on dancing with y'all. I can't take the credit for this philosophy though, it comes mainly from my high school Chaplin Fr. Jarrod, who was one of the folks responsible for teaching me how to dance. Since the last couple years of high school I've been blessed to have amazing friends in both Kansas and Texas to go dancing with. We started out mostly country swing dancing but as I've gotten older I'm to the point where I mostly two step now, its just a lot less work. lol. My education in dancing began sometime during my freshman year of high school at a wedding. My Mom pulled me out on the dance floor at the reception and said, "Anthony, I'm gonna teach you how dance because girls like guys that can dance." Thank you Mom. That raises the question though, what is it about men that can dance that women like? Stasi Elridge says in Captivating that every little girl goes through a twirly skirt phase and I think maybe every women still has a little bit of that little girl left in them. Ultimately the twirly skirt makes them feel beautiful, a princess, and I don't think that's a desire that disappears from women's hearts as they grow up.

Fr. Jarrod would say that the role of men and women on the dance floor flows from who God created them to be. To jump back a bit I think it's important to start with Genesis. For 5 days God is creating all kinds of things, light and darkness, sun and moon, trees and fishies and at the end of every day God proclaims that what he has just created is good. Then He gets to the sixth day and fashions a creature in His own image and likeness giving him dominion over all the rest of creation but after God finishes man and places him in the Garden of Eden He, for the first time, proclaims that it is not good, not good for man to be alone. And so God fashions a partner for Adam, Eve flesh of his flesh, bone of his bone and after giving them to each other God proclaims that it is very good and takes His rest on the 7th day. Eve is the crown jewel of creation. Without her something is missing, incomplete but with her it is very good. Though some time has passed since then, I don't think all that much has changed really. Rightly understood women are still the crown jewel of creation. While men may be strong and protective, reflecting God's strength and guardianship, women are beautiful. They make manifest in the most powerful way the great goodness of God's beauty. While it takes both men and women to manifest God's true image, we have different, complementary roles.

These roles translate directly onto the dance floor. The man's job when dancing is to make manifest the woman's beauty, not only to everyone else in the room but also to herself. The man's whole attention should be given to making her look and feel as she truly is, the crown jewel of creation. It always disappoints me when I'm out dancing and see some big macho guy throwing a girl all over the place. The point of any dance move shouldn't be for the guy to show off how big or buff or skilled he is but rather to make the woman look beautiful. Its also tough when you dance with a woman that won't let the man lead because ultimately she prevents the man from being able to fulfill his role of manifesting her beauty. Fr. Jarrod summarized this all by saying that on the dance floor the man's job was to make sure every eye on the room was on his partner, and the woman's job was to make sure that his eyes were only on her.

So men I call you to rise to the challenge and live out the role God has created you for. We live in a society in which our sisters are constantly under attack, bombarded with the lies that they are not beautiful, that they have to do this thing or dress that way if anyone will ever notice them. While I know there are other ways that we as men can help women overcome these lies, dancing is one of the best methods I've found. So next time you're out and you hear a fiddle and guitar pluck up some courage and ask a girl to dance; as a wise woman once told me "girls like guys that can dance." God bless and if you need some pointers catch me next time we meet. Until then though, see you in the Eucharist!

My Stock-tank Overfloweth

or "I came so that they might have life and have it more abundantly. John 10:10"

or "You are the light of the world. Mt 5:14"


In typical procrastinator fashion I missed my two week goal, apologies, and its taken me almost a week to get on here and relate the immense blessings that God poured out last weekend. It seems strange to think that Crusader Awakening 4 is over. A significant portion of my semester has been spent preparing for the retreat. In fact, preparations began almost a year ago. I've been on a lot of retreats but this was maybe one of the craziest weekends ever. It started with a call from the head of the Human Resources Office at UD. About 30 minutes before we left for retreat, I got a call offering me the Rome Assistant position for next year. To put this in perspective for those outside the UD bubble this is basically like winning the lottery. Most years they have around 40 applicants, they interview 4, and take one. I was thrilled just to get an interview early last week but I could hardly believe what I was hearing over the phone when she told me that I had been selected. Blessed be God. There are no other words to describe it.

This was also an interesting way to start a retreat. After I stopped shaking, I helped load up and we headed out. Needless to say the joy thing wasn't an issue for me on the weekend. The fact that we'd even made it to the retreat was something of a minor miracle too though. There were points in the week before were I couldn't see how we were going to get all the logistics taken care of but I was never really that worried about it. I knew that through the Holy Spirit we'd somehow get it all done, if for no other reason than that we'd requested prayers from over 900 convents and monasteries all over the world during the fall semester. The Holy Spirit didn't disappoint.

The retreat itself was a beautiful experience. I don't think there could have been a better way to end my Crusader Awakening career. The staff I had the privilege of helping lead along with my awesome co-director Clare was incredible. About half were from UD and half were from other Awakening communities. It was such a blessing to be in a position to see how they all brought their various skills and talents and poured them out for the retreatants, how they loved them with everything they had. To see one young woman fight through her fears and master a leading role in a skit. To see one of the young men swallow his pride and lead us in a praise and worship session that could best be described as joyful noise because their was no one else who could do any better. To see another young man pour everything he had into a role in the skit showing the retreatants just how much their Savior loved them. To see all the manifold blessings that God had brought to this retreat in the love that these staffers bore for candidates, many of whom they'd never met was simply amazing.

Finally though, for me personally one of the most beautiful parts of the retreat had to do with a prayer I'd prayed the week before. Coming back from Spring break I'd been struggling with a lack of motivation and a few habitual shortcomings. I became really frustrated with myself because I knew my sloth and laziness were preventing me from being able to give myself for the retreatants by doing a good job preparing logistically and spiritually for the retreat. In my frustration, mired in sin, I remember praying to God, "I just want to live." To live as the person I was truly meant to be, zealously, intentionally, full of charity. In the busyness of the preparations that followed I forgot that prayer until late Saturday night. After I'd finished my tasks for the day, I went to the adoration chapel and stopped moving for maybe the first time that day. As I prayed, I realized that God had answered that prayer. I had been so alive that whole weekend, constantly doing my utmost to carry out God's will and show His love to the retreatants, taking no consideration of myself. I couldn't ask for a more beautiful gift. He came that we might have life and have it to the full.

As this week has passed I've thought more about that experience of being fully alive and I'm comforted to realize that its not something that requires a life changing phone call from and HR office or an awesome Spirit filled retreat. Doubtless it is nothing but a grace of God, but its also a grace that He holds out to us everyday if we strive to live as the men and women He created us to be. As St.Catherine of Sienna said, "If you are what you should be, you will set the whole world on fire." That's our calling as Christians. As the theme from CA4 reminds us "You are the light of the world. A city set on a mountain cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and then put it under a bushel basket; it is set on a lampstand, where it gives light to all in the house. Just so, your light must shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your heavenly Father."

So thank you to all of you who made the last weekend possible. To my awesome co-director Clare, to the whole staff and all of Campus Ministry. To the Rome staff who have given me an incredible opportunity. To my parents, 4-H leaders, and supervisors in the Admissions Office, who, among so many others, helped me develop the skills and talents required to be where I am now. And most of all thanks be to God from whom these blessings and all other good things come!

So, I know where I'm heading now (Rome), quo vadis, where are you going?

You are the light of the world!

So I normally try not to just repost things that other people have already written but this is too good not to pass along. The theme for our campus retreat this year is Mt5:14-16, "You are the light of the world. A city set on a mountain cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and then put it under a bushel basket; it is set on a lampstand, where it gives light to all in the house. Just so, your light must shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your heavenly Father." Our retreat is going to be so awesome that the Pope personally wrote a meditation just for it (actually he wrote it a few months before we chose the verse but we can pretend). It's rather long but so worth the read. If I may be so bold, I also want to ask for your prayers for the team and retreatants that will be on Crusader Awakening #4 from March 16th to 18th. Thank you dear brothers and sisters! Momma keep you!

Pope Benedict XVI to the youth of Germany

Dear young friends,

Throughout today I have been looking forward to this evening, and to this opportunity to be together with you and to join you in prayer. No doubt some of you were present at World Youth Day, where we were able to experience the special atmosphere of peace, deep fellowship and inner joy that characterizes an evening prayer vigil. It is my wish that we may experience the same thing now: that the Lord may touch our hearts and make us joyful witnesses who pray together and support one another, not just this evening but throughout our lives.

In all churches, in cathedrals and religious houses, wherever the faithful gather to celebrate the Easter Vigil, that holiest of all nights begins with the lighting of the Paschal candle, whose light is then passed on to all who are present. One tiny flame spreads out to become many lights and fills the darkness of God's house with its brightness. This wonderful liturgical rite, which we have imitated in our prayer vigil tonight, reveals to us in signs more eloquent than words the mystery of our Christian faith. Jesus who says of himself: "I am the light of the world" (Jn 8:12), causes our lives to shine brightly, so that what we have just heard in the Gospel comes true: "You are the light of the world" (Mt 5:14).

It is not our human efforts or the technical progress of our era that brings light into this world. Again and again we have to experience how our striving to bring about a better and more just world hits against its limits. Innocent suffering and the ultimate fact of death awaiting every single person are an impenetrable darkness which may perhaps, through fresh experiences, be lit up for a moment, as if through a flash of lightning at night. In the end, though, a frightening darkness remains.

While all around us there may be darkness and gloom, yet we see a light: a small, tiny flame that is stronger than the seemingly powerful and invincible darkness. Christ, risen from the dead, shines in this world and he does so most brightly in those places where, in human terms, everything is sombre and hopeless. He has conquered death - he is alive - and faith in him, like a small light, cuts through all that is dark and threatening. To be sure, those who believe in Jesus do not lead lives of perpetual sunshine, as though they could be spared suffering and hardship, but there is always a bright glimmer there, lighting up the path that leads to fullness of life (cf. Jn 10:10). The eyes of those who believe in Christ see light even amid the darkest night and they already see the dawning of a new day.

Light does not remain alone. All around, other lights are flaring up. In their gleam, space acquires contours, so that we can find our bearings. We do not live alone in this world. And it is for the important things of life that we have to rely on other people. Particularly in our faith, then, we do not stand alone, we are links in the great chain of believers. Nobody can believe unless he is supported by the faith of others, and conversely, through my faith, I help to strengthen others in their faith. We help one another to set an example, we give others a share in what is ours: our thoughts, our deeds, our affections. And we help one another to find our bearings, to work out where we stand in society.

Dear friends, the Lord says: "I am the light of the world - you are the light of the world." It is mysterious and wonderful that Jesus applies the same predicate to himself and to each one of us, namely "light". If we believe that he is the Son of God, who healed the sick and raised the dead, who rose from the grave himself and is truly alive, then we can understand that he is the light, the source of all the lights of this world. On the other hand, we experience more and more the failure of our efforts and our personal shortcomings, despite our best intentions.

In the final analysis, the world in which we live, in spite of its technical progress, does not seem to be getting any better. There is still war and terror, hunger and disease, bitter poverty and merciless oppression. And even those figures in our history who saw themselves as "bringers of light", but without being fired by Christ, the one true light, did not manage to create an earthly paradise, but set up dictatorships and totalitarian systems, in which even the smallest spark of true humanity is choked.

At this point we cannot remain silent about the existence of evil. We see it in so many places in this world; but we also see it - and this scares us - in our own lives. Truly, within our hearts there is a tendency towards evil, there is selfishness, envy, aggression. Perhaps with a certain self-discipline all this can to some degree be controlled. But it becomes more difficult with faults that are somewhat hidden, that can engulf us like a thick fog, such as sloth, or laziness in willing and doing good. Again and again in history, keen observers have pointed out that damage to the Church comes not from her opponents, but from uncommitted Christians.

So how can Christ say that Christians, presumably including these weak and often lukewarm Christians, are the light of the world? Perhaps we could understand if he were to call out to us: Repent! Be the light of the world! Change your life, make it bright and radiant! Should we not be surprised that the Lord directs no such appeal to us, but tells us that we are the light of the world, that we shine, that we light up the darkness?

Dear friends, Saint Paul in many of his letters does not shrink from calling his contemporaries, members of the local community, "saints". Here it becomes clear that every baptized person - even before accomplishing good works or special achievements - is sanctified by God. In baptism the Lord, as it were, sets our life alight with what the Catechism calls sanctifying grace. Those who watch over this light, who live by grace, are indeed holy.

Dear friends, again and again the very notion of saints has been caricatured and distorted, as if to be holy meant to be remote from the world, naive and joyless. Often it is thought that a saint has to be someone with great ascetic and moral achievements, who might well be revered, but could never be imitated in our own lives. How false and discouraging this opinion is! There is no saint, apart from the Blessed Virgin Mary, who has not also known sin, who has never fallen.

Dear friends, Christ is not so much interested in how often in your lives you stumble and fall, as in how often you pick yourselves up again. He does not demand glittering achievements, but he wants his light to shine in you. He does not call you because you are good and perfect, but because he is good and he wants to make you his friends. Yes, you are the light of the world because Jesus is your light. You are Christians - not because you do special and extraordinary things, but because Christ is your life. You are holy because his grace is at work in you.

Dear friends, this evening as we gather in prayer around the one Lord, we sense the truth of Christ's saying that the city built on a hilltop cannot remain hidden. This gathering shines in more ways than one - in the glow of innumerable lights, in the radiance of so many young people who believe in Christ. A candle can only give light if it lets itself be consumed by the flame. It would remain useless if its wax failed to nourish the fire.

Allow Christ to burn in you, even at the cost of sacrifice and renunciation. Do not be afraid that you might lose something and, so to speak, emerge empty-handed at the end. Have the courage to apply your talents and gifts for God's kingdom and to give yourselves - like candlewax - so that the Lord can light up the darkness through you. Dare to be glowing saints, in whose eyes and hearts the love of Christ beams and who thus bring light to the world. I am confident that you and many other young people here in Germany are lamps of hope that do not remain hidden. "You are the light of the world". Amen.

Mark 5:1-20 = Jesus doesn't like pork.

Sometime last week the Gospel was the story of Jesus's encounter with the man possessed by Legion. Here's a link if you want a quick refresher: http://old.usccb.org/nab/bible/mark/mark5.htm. Now I don't know about you but this one has always confused the heck out of me. I mean whats with the whole dialog with the demons and then granting their request to go into the swine? The homily was not helpful at all in understanding the meaning on the verses so I asked my spiritual director the next night when I met with him and he was stumped too, which was a little intimidating as he's an 80 year old Hungarian Cistercian who's been studying theology his whole life. My last resort was to bring out the big guns and ask Abbot Denis after class last Saturday. As my spiritual director predicted, he had an answer and a good one too.

Abbot said that in the dialog with the demons we were witnessing a contest of strength between the demons and Christ. Most ancient cultures believed that names held great power and so after the demons interrupt Jesus as he is telling them to come out of the man he asks their name which would symbolize his authority over them. These demons are sneaky demons though and they answer that their name is Legion, which is not really a name at all, but rather a collective identity. However, as the story shows, Jesus makes the Father's glory known because he doesn't need their real names to send them out of the possessed man.

Now for the really weird part, what's up with sending the 2,000 pigs into the sea? Again Abbot to the rescue. If you assumed (like me) that since they were herding swine that Gerasenes was pagan territory, you'd be wrong. Gerasenes was a Jewish region but it had paganized and no longer faithfully followed the law as was evidenced by their eating pork. Thus Jesus allows the demons to enter the swine to symbolizes the spiritual destruction that will come upon the people if they continue to worship other gods. If this Gospel confused you on a yearly basis like it did me, I hope this offers some illumination and can provide some fruitful reflection. Until next time, see you in the Eucharist!

Devotion is for Everyone

At Mass yesterday on the feast of St. Francis de Sales, the priest spent a fair bit of time talking about the reading from the Office of Readings for that day. It was from St. Francis de Sales Introduction to the Devout Life, and dealt with devotion as it relates to our vocation. I went back and read it because it reminded me of conversations I'd had with many friends about the desires for prayer or daily mass that they couldn't fulfill because of their current state in life. I wanted to pass it along especially because of several of the beautiful analogies he uses. Also hopefully in the near future I'll get a post together with some insights I've been gathering in my Thomas More class which is just rocking my world. God Bless and See you in the Eucharist.


St. Francis de Sales, "Devotion is for Everyone"
When God the Creator made all things, he commanded the plants to bring forth fruit each according to its own kind; he has likewise commanded Christians, who are the living plants of his Church, to bring forth the fruits of devotion, each one in accord with his character, his station and his calling.

I say that devotion must be practised in different ways by the nobleman and by the working man, by the servant and by the prince, by the widow, by the unmarried girl and by the married woman. But even this distinction is not sufficient; for the practice of devotion must be adapted to the strength, to the occupation and to the duties of each one in particular.

Tell me, please, my Philothea, whether it is proper for a bishop to want to lead a solitary life like a Carthusian; or for married people to be no more concerned than a Capuchin about increasing their income; or for a working man to spend his whole day in church like a religious; or on the other hand for a religious to be constantly exposed like a bishop to all the events and circumstances that bear on the needs of our neighbor. Is not this sort of devotion ridiculous, unorganised and intolerable? Yet this absurd error occurs very frequently, but in no way does true devotion, my Philothea, destroy anything at all. On the contrary, it perfects and fulfills all things. In fact if it ever works against, or is inimical to, anyone’s legitimate station and calling, then it is very definitely false devotion.

The bee collects honey from flowers in such a way as to do the least damage or destruction to them, and he leaves them whole, undamaged and fresh, just as he found them. True devotion does still better. Not only does it not injure any sort of calling or occupation, it even embellishes and enhances it.

Moreover, just as every sort of gem, cast in honey, becomes brighter and more sparkling, each according to its colour, so each person becomes more acceptable and fitting in his own vocation when he sets his vocation in the context of devotion. Through devotion your family cares become more peaceful, mutual love between husband and wife becomes more sincere, the service we owe to the prince becomes more faithful, and our work, no matter what it is, becomes more pleasant and agreeable.

It is therefore an error and even a heresy to wish to exclude the exercise of devotion from military divisions, from the artisans’ shops, from the courts of princes, from family households. I acknowledge, my dear Philothea, that the type of devotion which is purely contemplative, monastic and religious can certainly not be exercised in these sorts of stations and occupations, but besides this threefold type of devotion, there are many others fit for perfecting those who live in a secular state.

Therefore, in whatever situations we happen to be, we can and we must aspire to the life of perfection.

On days gone by

So maybe its just that I'm getting old, but it seems that in the past month there have been several times when I've caught myself looking back over old pictures or recalling old memories. Like today, I ran across a video the DJ made at the last CIA 4-H conference I helped plan in 2009. It was strange watching all those young kids jump around under the strobe lights, and crawl across the floor to the alligator line dance. It was almost surreal to see old friends dancing across the screen, many of whom I haven't seen in years. It was so odd to think back on those times; the things we worried about and got into arguments over on the State 4-H Council seem so irrelevant now. The drama that sometimes occupied our attention looks so petty in hindsight. And yet, the memory of the friendships and the people I served with are poignant. I remember that conference vividly; that was a good night. I worry about and pray for some of those people from time to time, the old friend that had so much talent but perhaps lost her way a little; the good, strong, driven partner in crime who has gone from success to success; the folks I barely knew and those that I stayed up all hours of the night talking to. Good people and good friends.

Since then we've all moved on and gone our separate ways. Those friendships have faded as we left and other young kids rose to take our place. There are a few beautiful exceptions though, people whom for whatever reason God has willed to leave on the same path as me for at least a while longer. Those friendships have certainly grown and changed since we first meet as teens but it has been such a blessing to watch each other become more and more the men and women God has created us to be.

Even among the framily, (the group of awesome young adults passionate about loving Christ and being Catholic that I run around with when I'm in Kansas) our friendships are different than they were 4 years ago when I entered college. This weekend I ran across a group picture from the first ever Manhattan weekend three years ago(see more examples of me being old and sentimental). We hung out for a couple days before classes started, went dancing, got doughnuts at 1:30am before heading to late night adoration, then woke up early the next morning to go to mass together and have a big homemade Sunday dinner. It was beautiful. Even among this group of close friends, a good number of whom I saw this past break things have changed. One is married, one's headed to seminary in the fall, two I've more or less lost touch with and with a few, I've been blessed to become much closer friends.

In all of this I'm struck by how much and how quickly life changes. All these moments I'm reminiscing on exist only in my memory and in the memories of those I shared them with. I will never again experience those same events. It reminds me of a post I wrote about sunsets a little over a year ago. I think I want to amend slightly what I wrote there though. While there's nothing we can do to hang on to these moments, which is fitting as they are not ours to keep, I think its been good for me to spend sometime reflecting on them especially as many of us are only a few days away from the beginning of our last semester of college. Thinking back over the blessings God has put in my life the last few years and the distance that exists between where I am now and where I was then, increases my resolve to live radically these last months of college. To throw myself headlong into my classes, my friendships, and into loving those around me. To offer up the little inconveniences of life and praise God for all the little blessings. To ignore the drama that will seem so petty in just a few years. But I also know from this brief recollection that all of this is meaningless without good friends and impossible to accomplish without the help of those God has placed around me. Sanctification is not achieved alone. So I want to ask for your help dear brothers and sister in Christ to live the way we were made to live. He came that we might have life and have it more abundantly. If I know anything of my procrastinating and at times ill-motivated self its that I'll need all the help I can get to carry out this resolution in the coming months.

As I look back on that photo from our first Manhattan weekend, it reminds me a comment one of our adult friends wrote on it. He said, Seriously, awesome-we'll be able to look back at this photo in 10 years and say, "These people went out and changed the world." Its been incredible to think back this afternoon on the things God has done in our lives in the three years since that photo so I can't wait to see what He does with the next seven. I feel about ready to go out and change the world. You in? May our Momma Mary keep you always in her mantle.

As an end note, this blog is just a few days from being two years old and while I certainly haven't always been the best about posting consistently I want to get back to doing it more often. I've found that when I don't post I'm not only failing to share the experiences God puts in my life but I'm also not as thoughtful about the rough ideas and events of my life. So hopefully you'll hear from me more often in the future and until then, I'll see you in the Eucharist.